If you're having a problem with substance abuse, there are a lot of people you could turn to for help. A doctor, perhaps; maybe your pastor; or, failing that, a D-list celebrity with a history of substance abuse. If you're in need of that last one, we're happy to inform you that Michael Lohan, father of six-time rehab visitor Lindsay Lohan, has decided to open his own clinic. And we have decided to suggest some slogans for him. Here you go, Michael!
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